第七章（第2/10页）

但身体的正面更使她难过不已。它已经开始变得松弛消瘦，近乎枯萎，还未曾体验过生活的美好，就已走向衰老。康妮想到自己或许还要诞下婴孩。这样的她是否还能做个合格的母亲？她穿上睡袍，卧在闺床，痛哭失声。酸楚中燃烧着愤懑的怒火，克利福德，他空洞的作品和伪善的言谈，还有所有跟他沆瀣一气的家伙们，康妮都对之深恶痛绝。那些臭男人只会欺骗女人的感情，甚至不会放过她们的身体。

Unjust! Unjust! The sense of deep physical injustice burned to her very soul.

不公平！这不公平！强烈的愤慨燃透身体，在灵魂深处肆虐。

But in the morning, all the same, she was up at seven, and going downstairs to Clifford. She had to help him in all the intimate things, for he had no man, and refused a woman-servant. The housekeeper's husband, who had known him as a boy, helped him, and did any heavy lifting; but Connie did the personal things, and she did them willingly. It was a demand on her, but she had wanted to do what she could.

可次日清晨，她同样要在七点准时起床，下楼去服侍克利福德。她必须照顾他梳洗更衣这等私事，因为克利福德没有贴身男仆，又拒绝差遣女佣。女管家的丈夫看着他长大，帮他做些搬搬抬抬的力气活，而康妮则负责照料他的一切私务，倒也做得心甘情愿。克利福德需要她这样做，她也愿意尽到妻子的责任。

So she hardly ever went away from Wragby, and never for more than a day or two; when Mrs. Betts, the housekeeper, attended to Clifford. He, as was inevitable in the course of time, took all the service for granted. It was natural he should.

因此，她几乎寸步不离拉格比，即使离开，也最多在外逗留一两天，那时便将克利福德交托给女管家贝茨太太。而他也把妻子的照顾当作是理所应当，时间一久，有这样的想法不可避免。他这样想也是天性使然。

And yet, deep inside herself, a sense of injustice, of being defrauded, had begun to burn in Connie. The physical sense of injustice is a dangerous feeling, once it is awakened. It must have outlet, or it eats away the one in whom it is aroused. Poor Clifford, he was not to blame. His was the greater misfortune. It was all part of the general catastrophe.

但现在，康妮心底燃起怒火，感到被欺骗，而忿忿不平。愤懑的感觉一旦苏醒，就会变得异常危险。必须找到发泄的途径，否则就会被它生生吞噬。可怜的克利福德，这并非他的过错。比起康妮，他更加不幸。这都不过是战争浩劫的余波而已。

And yet was he not in a way to blame? This lack of warmth, this lack of the simple, warm, physical contact, was he not to blame for that? He was never really warm, nor even kind, only thoughtful, considerate, in a well-bred, cold sort of way! But never warm as a man can be warm to a woman, as even Connie's father could be warm to her, with the warmth of a man who did himself well, and intended to, but who still could comfort it woman with a bit of his masculine glow.

可是，他没有半点可指摘的地方么？冷酷无情，缺少简单直接、温暖真诚的身体接触，这些不是他的过错吗？他总是冷若冰霜，态度淡漠，凡事经过深思熟虑，面面俱到，保持着知识分子的那份冷傲！在他身上，找不到男人对异性的如火热情，甚至连康妮自己的父亲都赶不上。其父虽然养尊处优，自私自利，但也会用男性的热烈去安慰异性。

But Clifford was not like that. His whole race was not like that. They were all inwardly hard and separate, and warmth to them was just bad taste. You had to get on without it, and hold your own; which was all very well if you were of the same class and race. Then you could keep yourself cold and be very estimable, and hold your own, and enjoy the satisfaction of holding it. But if you were of another class and another race it wouldn't do; there was no fun merely holding your own, and feeling you belonged to the ruling class. What was the point, when even the smartest aristocrats had really nothing positive of their own to hold, and their rule was really a farce, not rule at all? What was the point? It was all cold nonsense.

但克利福德却并不是这样。他这类人都不屑如此。他们都是铁石心肠，自视清高，对他们而言，热诚待人实在不可取。冷酷无情，自命不凡，若身处同等阶层和出身倒也无可厚非。你完全可以孤芳自赏，以期赢得别人的尊敬，装腔作势，并享受其中的满足感。但如果你属于另一阶层和出身，这些就完全行不通，装腔作势，以统治阶层自居，并不是件有趣的事情。这样做有什么意义呢？今时今日，就连最精明的贵族都失去了可维系的地位，他们的统治不过是荒唐的笑柄，根本支配不了任何人或事。这样做还有什么意义呢？简直可笑无聊至极。

A sense of rebellion smouldered in Connie. What was the good of it all? What was the good of her sacrifice, her devoting her life to Clifford? What was she serving, after all? A cold spirit of vanity, that had no warm human contacts, and that was as corrupt as any low-born Jew, in craving for prostitution to the bitch-goddess, Success.

抵触的情绪在康妮心中酝酿。自己所做的一切有什么意义？她甘愿牺牲，为克利福德奉献生命，可这样做换回的又是什么？她究竟为什么而活？空虚虚伪的灵魂，从不愿以诚待人，跟出身低微的犹太人那般自甘堕落，急不可耐地想要献身给堕落女神，以期功成名就。

Even Clifford's cool and contactless assurance that he belonged to the ruling class didn't prevent his tongue lolling out of his mouth, as he panted after the bitch-goddess. After all, Michaelis was really more dignified in the matter, and far, far more successful. Really, if you looked closely at Clifford, he was a buffoon, and a buffoon is more humiliating than a bounder.

就连克利福德这种自以为是、高高在上，自诩为统治阶级的家伙，都不能免俗，吐着舌头，气喘吁吁地在她身后猛追。其实，在这方面，米凯利斯反倒有尊严得多，所取得的成就也远胜克利福德。说实话，若仔细观察，克利福德不过是跳梁小丑，甚至比泼皮无赖更加恬不知耻。

As between the two men, Michaelis really had far more use for her than Clifford had. He had even more need of her. Any good nurse can attend to crippled legs! And as for the heroic effort, Michaelis was a heroic rat, and Clifford was very much of a poodle showing off.

这两个男人相比较，米凯利斯对她的用处远大于克利福德。而米凯利斯也更需要她。任何优秀的护士都能照顾好瘫痪的病人。论及自强不息的精神，米凯利斯算得过街鼠中的好汉，而克利福德不过是只哗众取宠的卷毛狗。